the beginning changes.

i have this friend who got her masters in speech path last spring and then left to work in europe for nine months. she sent me an email telling me of how she has grown a lot but realizes the real growth will happen when she has to come back to face the problems she left behind...
i would love to run from everything that i face on a daily basis. but God has me here for a reason. i want to move out of state in hopes to find more about myself and just explore. i know i'm made for something great, but its just a matter of getting to that point and knowing where to start. obviously when leaving, you leave the good and the bad behind, and in someways it is running but how do you explore more without running. and how do you face problems that have yet to face you? i don't want to run, but i do want to leave, and i don't want to have to fear coming back to something bad left behind that still would need fixing...

i'm sitting in the library on campus right now and i've never felt so out of place. just a few weeks ago, this was where i lived, from project to project. i seemed to know everyone when walking in and it was nearly impossible to really get a whole lot done. today i walked in without saying hi to a soul, sat down and thought, "this next hour and a half is going to be reeeaally long." i suppose when its time, your heart moves on earlier than you think it would. it's amazing that i've already begun to feel out of place in a town and school that has been my home away from home. it was more of a home here than even back from where i came from. in relation to that thought, where do i belong? i haven't lived somewhere long enough or stuck around to know my place. am i really meant to keep moving from place to place, just because i've done that my whole life? is it possible for me to find a secure place to call home and still feel as if it were home 10+ years later?


...i guess it's just time...

leadership summit.

i haven't been online here because of the christmas break.  i went on a week long class trip to buena vista, co.  and let me just say it was an amazing experience.  it's basically 5-6 days of lectures from professional businessmen and woman (yes, just one). ** i'll have to list all the names of all the speakers when i can get to my list.  i don't want to leave anyone out.**

anyways it was a big wake-up call. in the sense that i have never had to really think about what i want to do... or what i'm even good at... i mean all my life i have just been able to lean on others, mainly my family but even the serious relationships i have been in.  i've never had to think past: small job, get married, have a family, leave all the financial and hard stuff to the husband... BUT now i have to learn what i'm good at, what i'm made for.  i have to learn...scratch that...i want to learn all the hard stuff such as paying bills, figuring out a balance, saving for the future - actually having something to bring into the marriage i will someday have.  and you know what, i'm so excited!!  i'm looking forward to being able to apply everything i learned in the real world!!

although all this is in high spirit, keep me in prayer, for its a long journey ahead.